A Spiritual Gangsta Hopes.  

“‘Sing, barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,’ says the Lord .”

Isaiah 54:1

The other day, I found myself on the phone with a good friend of mine, frustrated and feeling like a failure. I poured out my heart to her. I expressed my disappointment with my current circumstances. 

“I thought I would be further along by now.” I told her, “I thought my forties would look a lot different.”  “I didn’t think I would be living with my parents, and I definitely didn’t think I would be watching all my friends’ and cousins’ kids grow up and become parents before I did”. There are days when all the disappointment piles up, and this particular night the despair felt heavier than usual.

The interesting thing is that while I complained and poured out my heart to my friend, I also shared with her what I felt bursting out of my spirit at the very same time. In my overwhelmed state, I  shared how the scripture of Isaiah 54, which I had read a thousand times, felt different this time.  It felt like the scripture was yelling at me. It was like even though my feelings were depleted and I was physically exhausted, my spirit was alive and trying to get the rest of me to line up.

The scripture speaks of a woman who is barren, who has no children, and who has no husband, yet she is called to sing. “Sing” and “shout” the scripture reads. These are the words of the prophet Isaiah speaking the promises of the Lord to the people of Israel. It is a great message of hope. The Lord speaks of protection and restoration and of freedom from oppression and even the establishment of prosperity in the land God promised to His people. 

I wanted to believe it all for myself, but I felt inundated by the reality of my circumstances. I felt trapped by my situation, so even though the Word was there and my spirit was bursting inside of me with this “hope,” fleshly, tired, and disappointed Rachel could not hear it.  

Thankfully, my night did not end there, and when my friend realized that there was nothing in her power to help me bring to pass God’s promise, she bravely encouraged me, “You are not crazy. You hear from the Lord.” She told me, “God is faithful to His promises,” and she proceeded to recite the entire chapter of Isaiah 54 to me.  

As she confidently read it to me, hearing the words caused my spirit to leap. I found myself staring out my car window at the night sky with tears streaming down my face. Sobbing, the only words I had were, “God, please be real! God, please let this be true! Please God let this be real. Please God!”

 As she ended the chapter, we sat in silence for a minute. She said, “God is faithful, friend.”  Peace surrounded me.  Nothing had changed. I wasn’t suddenly snapped into another world and everything was fixed. BUT my hope was being restored.  Though I have a lot of growing to do, I know the Lord has been building me up to be this woman of God who wrestles with this worldly reality and still chooses to hope. I choose to hope. I put my hope in Christ and I choose to hold on to Him. 

The key was not just saying I know the Word, but I journaled, I wrestled, and I shared with someone who would bring it back up to me.  And that is the practice of a Spiritual G. I also must honor my friend who wisely spoke the Word of God back to me. Without a community that brings me back to the Word, I lose hope and  I subsequently lose the faith to keep pressing on in the things God has called me to do. 

The psalmist says…

‘You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.’

Psalms 119:14

This is where I have to put my hope in His Word. The Word of God is how I build up my faith and keep my hope. Our walk with Christ is not always easy, but with the Word we have the weapons we need to fight discouragement and the confidence to hold on to the promises of God. This is what makes me a G in the spirit. My prayer is that you, too, hope again. When you feel discouraged, connect with a friend that will buildup your faith. Let God speak to you in His Word. YOUR HOPE MATTERS. It matters immensely! You need Hope to be the Spiritual G you have been called to be.