A Spiritual Gangsta has a Tender Heart 

I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel 36:26

Yes, a heart of flesh is a polar opposite to one of stone. However, the problem with a heart of stone is not that it is just difficult or different, the problem is that it is useless. A heart of stone simply cannot do what it is made to do. A heart is not only made to keep the body alive, but a heart is made to do this by pumping blood throughout the body, moving, contracting, beating. A hard heart, one of stone, cannot do this. It is stuck. If a heart is hard, the body is not alive.  

 In Psalms 56:8, as referenced in last week’s devotion, we learn that the Lord stores up our tears in bottles. In the original text, the word bottle was actually “wineskin.” A wineskin is a bottle made of animal skin. Upon seeing this, two significant moments came to mind: The last supper when Jesus talked about wine representing His blood, the blood of the new covenant (Matthew 26:28). Then the time when Jesus was teaching the disciples the significance of the new wineskin for the new wine (Mark 2:22).

Both of these references began to stir in my heart the symbolism of wine as blood and wineskins as the heart. With a very sincere tenderness, I felt from the Holy Spirit in this expanding my understanding of a tender heart. 

Here are the layers. 

If wineskins symbolize our hearts then we can clearly see the correlation of Mark 2:22 and Ezekiel 36:26. The reason that Jesus was teaching about the wineskins was to teach the people that the wineskin required for the new covenant needed to be pliable, fresh, new and almost breathable. Once a wineskin is used and gets old, it will begin to dry out and harden, rendering it no longer usable for new wine. This is because new wine is still fermenting, expanding and needs a wineskin that is still pliable, stretchy, willing to be moved. 

This pliable wineskin of the heart was required to receive Jesus’ new covenant.. They needed tender hearts to receive Him as the messiah. Through the prophet Ezekiel a new heart of flesh was promised to the people of Israel. But Jesus understood that this was not an easy trade off. His people did not have hardened hearts on purpose, they had been through a lot. Hardened hearts do not just form because of old promises and old covenants but out of survival. Hundreds of years of oppression, rebellion, and waiting can take a toll on the heart.  

Why does this matter to me? Why should it matter to you ?

A new covenant is hard. It is not just hard for the collective body of the believers of Bible times, but it is hard for us.  Having a tender heart that can receive what God has for us can be extremely challenging. Especially when it means that it is going against the culture and the standards of this world. It is hard to swap out the hardened stone heart for one of flesh that is soft and tender. 

For me that looks like rejecting my tendency to want to just sit in the tradition that is safe. Sometimes, I just want to stop fighting. I want the “easier” way. I want to sit like the apostle Peter did after the crucifixion and wallow in what was familiar… for Peter it was fishing, for me it was teaching. 

So, a continuous “testing of  my gangsta” is in this area of leaving my career. In 2018, when God told me “to drop my nets and follow him,” He was guiding me to leave my secure and safe career as an educator to pursue full-time ministry. It was so clear. I knew exactly what that meant. I knew what I had to do. I knew what it meant in terms of my finances. I knew what it meant in terms of my family and friends. Though I counted the costs, it was still hard to walk in a path that wasn’t easy to explain or obviously successful. 

At first, it was exciting and everyone was very congratulatory! I was “strong” “respected” “courageous.” However, as time went on, the honeymoon phase lifted: My personal finances remained challenging, and wrinkles started showing up on my forehead. The tangible things that I was hoping for were still not coming to pass, and an incredible urge to give up rose in me.  I wanted to go back to my old ways of doing things and my own career. I wanted to be able to afford vacations and the fancy things I enjoy. I wanted my walk to be just a little easier.  After four years, people got over the initial, “I am so proud of you” phase and instead, it started to feel like pity. It was hard at this point not to question the “call. ” Faced with the reality and the repercussions of my decisions,  I had to then really evaluate if I heard God correctly or if this was just me running on some crazy idea. 

When I slowed down and really thought about the challenge that the original disciples were being faced with, it gave me strength. They were being called out to leave everything behind and to trust in Jesus. This new wine was exciting and fresh and when the miracles were flowing and the crowds were gathering, it was a little easier. But when Jesus died, and Peter was faced with the quietness of being without Jesus he went back to fishing. The new wine was being made available to him, but the wineskin of his heart was still hard. If I am honest, mine is too.  

This last week, as I wrestled with my calling. I realized that my heart was not as tender as I thought it was. My heart was still holding on to hurt, disappointment and old ideologies. While I wanted what was more “comfortable,” the Lord was challenging me not to get tougher, but to get more tender. He was challenging me not to guard my heart by being stuck in the defense, but to guard it by chasing after His heart, a heart that is breathable, tender, and filled with the promises of a new and better covenant. 

So to tie this all together, a Spiritual gangsta has a tender heart because a tender heart is needed to do what God has created you for. He has created us to worship, and to worship him wholeheartedly there is a surrendering that is required. 

What I love most about this realization is that the Lord is so loving  that he knows how challenging it is for us. He honors and values us in the process of changing our heart. What I noticed is that there is a very human and tender process for the restoring of that heart of flesh. 

The best example of this process is the woman who broke her alabaster jar and anointed Jesus with its contents and washed his feet with her tears and her hair. He calls it the preparation for His burial and thus essential to the establishing of the new covenant. (Luke 7:37-38) 

The tears preceded the new wine. 

The breaking of the valuable jar of perfume preceded the new wine.

The surrender and humility preceded the new wine. 

Would you join me in trying to imagine the beauty of the moment of Mary breaking the bottle, presenting her precious gift and pouring out the tears of her shame and disappointment and pain on the feet of Jesus with hope that she would be received. 

Not only does He receive her, but imagine that, in the Spirit, while she released everything of her past and poured the tears, the Spirit of the Lord was gathering every tear as it rolled down Jesus’ skin to store it in the wineskin of His heart.  This story hit me differently when I thought of the tenderness of the Father’s heart. He doesn’t just store the tears in a bottle on a shelf, but he stores them in the wineskin of his heart.

There is not one wasted tear. He holds them not just in a bottle but the wineskin of His heart, a heart that is breathing and tender. He carries my sorrow and my sacrifice close to Him. He so values my tears that he would hold them in His heart and use that time of my greatest shame and disappointment to soften my heart and prepare me for my calling. If I am honest, my calling requires a heart that is more tender than I feel comfortable having. But without that tender submission, I am unable to receive the new covenant and better promises He has for me.

Last week, I was so humbled as this revelation covered me, I felt loved, challenged, and honored at the same time! 

While my own ways could potentially create a sense of personal fulfillment, the Lord was inviting me to walk with a new tender heart. A tender heart that says it’s okay to cry, it is a safe place to cry with Him. A tender heart that understands that the one who holds my tears is inviting me on an adventure of a lifetime. He is asking me,

“Rachel, while on this earth will you treasure the tears of my daughters? Will you be my hands and feet? Will you hold them and remind them that I am near to the brokenhearted and that I store their tears in my heart?”

I am called to work with women, to heal the brokenhearted, to restore hope, and empower them to walk in their callings. 

What are you being called to do? What promises are folded into His new covenant for you? 

Whatever it is, be a gangsta about it! Be resolved that not only will He provide a place for your tender and pliable heart of flesh, but He will not leave you hanging in the process. His wineskin is more reliable than your stone/alabaster jar.  He is storing up all your tears, and there is no good thing that He withholds from you as you surrender to Him.